State Of Being
by Nakimochiku
Summary: what did he know about insane anyway? Hichi x ichi. a litte more light hearted than my others. you'll enjoy! finsihed.
1. What You Say

WHAT YOU SAY

_first chapter. Ish happy. I came up with this one while I was doing "One Thousand Words" another one was supposed to come before it but I want to do this one first. Enjoy!_

_**I don't recommend sex, drugs and insanity for everyone, but it works for me.**_

— _**Hunter S. Thompson**_

He supposed insanity was a simple thing. He didn't know much about it at all. To him insanity seemed easily fixable. It wasn't even a reality, it was only something joked about and put on TV.

Insanity was absolutely curable.

But then again, he didn't know anything about it at all.

The teacher called the class to attention. She pushed her glasses up her nose and smiled brightly. "We've got fresh mea– I mean, a new student. Please come in."

In stepped the weirdest person he'd ever seen. Weird was a perfect word to describe him, as if that was what he wanted to be labeled as.

And here he'd thought insanity was fixable. It wasn't, he found out. Insanity is a curse and a poison that seeps deeper and infects everyone around.

His black high heeled boots were scuffed, probably normal black laces replaced with pink ones. His pants were tight and ripped in places and his shirt was drawn all over. In his hair were pink ribbons, he was smiling a large insane smile, his yellow eyes flashing with the artificial light. His pale lips shimmered with pink lip gloss. Beside him stood a strong looking male nurse.

"I'm Shirosaki Hichigo!" he introduced, bowing. "Do I look pretty?" collective 'huh?'s echoed around the room.

He didn't say anything. He didn't really care. He went back to math, his head bent over his work, aiming to finish so he didn't have it for homework.

"Kurosaki Ichigo." the teacher called, he looked up, face set in a scowl. "Would you please look after Hichigo for the rest of the school year? And please, join me outside." Ichigo got up, passing the new kid. He looked nice enough, if not a little strange.

What was strange again?

"Yes miss?" Ichigo asked, sliding the door shut behind him. The nurse joined them.

"Kurosaki-kun, Shirosaki-kun is joining us from an asylum in America. They wanted someone they knew they could trust with Shirosaki-kun as they will be leaving him here with his family. We know how patient you are, so we recommended you." the teacher paused, letting all of this sink in. "I'm sure you'll be able to handle him."

Ichigo went back inside the classroom. Everyone was staring at Hichigo, who was giggling as he wrote in a pink notebook. There was hearts and wings and knives doodled all over the cover. He sat down in his seat beside Hichigo, who turned and smiled sweetly at him, like an innocent child.

"You're pretty. I like you." he stated. Ichigo frowned, and decided to say nothing because he was insane. He lived in an asylum. Hichigo continued to draw and doodle as the teacher taught.

What did he know about insanity?

Was he even sane to start?

OWARI


	2. What I Hear

WHAT I HEAR

_second chapter. Proud much!_

_**Small talk is an idle insanity**_

— _**Kougyoku**_

talking to him was strange. He never said a word. He didn't have to. He listened, but he didn't have to, he was sure Hichigo wouldn't have noticed anyway.

"I hate mothers." Hichigo said quietly during break, running his fingers through Ichigo's hair as he ate. "I hate my mother. And all other mothers." his tone seemed to become sad and angry and Ichigo wondered briefly if he was going to fly into a tantrum. "My mother didn't love me. She didn't want me, so she abandoned me. I don't even know what she looked like. I bet she was pretty..."

Curious despite himself, Ichigo turned to look at the white haired boy who had two red ribbons in his hair. His lips shimmered with red lip gloss. He looked like he was close to crying. "So why do you hate other mothers?" he asked, turning back to his lunch.

"Because nobody else is left alone. Because everyone else is happy with their mothers. And I haven't got one." Ichigo only shrugged at Hichigo's logic. To some, it made a lot of sense.

Listening to him was different. Hichigo did all the talking. And he realized something, something one can only realize after hanging around someone with screwed up logic.

Hichigo didn't talk because he wanted conversation. He spoke because he wanted to make sure there was someone there to listen. To make sure that he was real.

He was probably reassured of this when Ichigo replied to his words. He didn't want to feel like he was going crazy after all.

"Have you ever looked through a tear drop?" Ichigo shook his head. "I do it all the time. It's just like hanging upside down. The world gets all curved. And you know...you see things differently when you look through a tear drop..." Hichigo was lying on his lap as if he was trying to sleep. "If you look carefully, you can see what made that tear fall."

Everything about him was derailed. His logic was off. His brain was dead. His heart was healing. And Ichigo didn't really know what to do with him.

"Hichigo, what happened to your arm?" he asked, grabbing Hichigo's pale wrist and inspecting it. There were thin little cuts on his arms, crisscrossing and zigzagging. "What did you do?"

"I cut 'em up! Isn't it pretty? Aren't I pretty?!" Hichigo suddenly looked distressed, clutching his shirt and pulling him forward to meet his eyes.

"Yes Hichigo, you're pretty." Ichigo sighed out, running his hand through his flaming orange hair. "But, don't do that again... it...makes you look ugly..."

Hichigo smiled at him, that cute innocent child's smile. "Alright Ichigo!"

he was always looking for attention, especially Ichigo's. He got away with whatever he did. And he never hung around with anybody but ichigo. He didn't want anyone else's words or compliments. He never asked anyone else if he was pretty.

Never anyone else.

They couldn't make him ask anybody else. He didn't care for anybody else. He didn't want to know what they thought about it. Only Ichigo's opinion mattered and Ichigo thought he was pretty.

Only Ichigo.

OWARI

_I realized something, I didn't write a note for chapter one... ah well... anyway. Please reveiw. To tell the truth...I have no idea what's gonna happen in the next chapter. Well...nope, false alarm... yea. Review!_


	3. What I Want

WHAT I WANT

_yup, chappie three... enjoy!_

_**Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed**_

— _**Oliver Wendell Holmes**_

Hichigo always got what he wanted. not because he was a brat, but because that was what his sickness demanded. Hichigo's tantrums were scary things. He went into suicidal rages, he threatened death and he meant it. They gave him what he wanted so he'd be quiet.

Give him what he wants and maybe he'll shut the hell up.

It wasn't that Ichigo was any different. Ichigo just used a different form of discipline.

"Nnngh!" Hichigo whined, hand almost to mouth, but he was holding it, preventing a squirming worm from slithering down his throat.

"No." Ichigo said simply. "You're not eating it and that's that."

"But I wants it!" Hichigo whined again, yellow eyes flashing with anger.

"I don't care. You're not getting it." He squeezed Hichigo's wrist till he was forced to drop the worm and pulled him away.

"STUPID ICHIGO! I WANTED IT!" Hichigo yelled.

"I don't care." Ichigo denied Hichigo what he wanted because what he wanted was destructive.

"Ichigo!" Hichigo whined, resting on his lap during class. Ichigo's hand was in his lap, relaxed until he felt something wet and warm on it. He nearly screeched when he realized it was hichigo's mouth. His finger...was in Hichigo's mouth. He would have ripped his hand away, if Hichigo hadn't looked so innocent asleep.

His classmates were looking at them strange, but that was okay. They didn't know about Hichigo's mental problems. They didn't need to know. He just wished they wouldn't ask him about it.

"You let him put your finger in his mouth?"

"Ichigo have you gone crazy?"

"Don't you know that guy's weird?"

He ignored them. What they said didn't matter. He was weird enough without Hichigo. Just a little more insanity wouldn't make a difference.

Hichigo brought in a small clear plastic box for him the next morning. "This is my favorite set." Hichigo stated, opening the small box, he pulled out a navy blue ribbon. "I want you to have it." Hichigo smiled at him, tying the ribbon around his hair and pulling out another. Hichigo continued like that all break until there wasn't a ribbon left.

His classmates were looking at him strangely again. He didn't mind. Hichigo was a lover of beautiful things, he was sure the ribbons looked good.

Hichigo smiled at him again. "You're so pretty. I really like you!" he laughed a little, one of those insane giggles he gave when he was writing one of his gory stories. "And you know...I've never written about anything other than death before. I really like you Ichigo!"

He smiled at him. Hichigo was cute, if not just a little different. Nice, if not just a little derailed.

That was alright. If he had to help he would.

OWARI

_um. You have no idea how __**pissed**__ I am right now. There's no fucking plot! Shit... well anyway... review!_


	4. What You Need

WHAT YOU NEED

_chapter four..._

_**It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.**_

— _**Larry Kersten**_

He hated it when Hichigo came in and his arms were cut. He hated it so much. "Didn't I tell you that was ugly?" he asked, hand raking through his hair in an exasperated manner.

Hichigo didn't reply with his usual smile. Instead, he looked at his face and then the ground. "I don't care. It takes the pain away."

Deciding it was serious, he sat Hichigo down, pushing him to lay in his lap. "What's wrong?" he asked, playing in his hair. Hichigo shook his head and bit his lip. "Tell me." another head shake. "I'll let you put my ribbons in my hair if you tell me." Ichigo felt kind of bad for bribing him, but it would be dangerous to leave Hichigo depressed.

His wants were destructive.

Hichigo looked up at him, trying to find if this was the truth. "Ichigo...why do you never smile at me? Is it cause you don't like me? Is it cause I'm not pretty?!" he knew Hichigo would work himself into a fit, so he pat his head, trying to calm him down. "Ichigo doesn't like me the way I like him..."

He said nothing, let Hichigo calm down by himself. Hichigo slapped his hand away, moving off his lap and setting to work in his pink note book. "I hate you Ichigo." he told him.

The next morning, Ichigo wore his blue ribbons to make Hichigo happy. But he saw the other's arms again. "You kept cutting?!"

"Shut up! You don't care!" Hichigo jerked his arm away, glaring at him. he got out his notebook again. He was writing about death, Ichigo could tell from the way his pencil dug into the paper. He knew Hichigo a bit too well now. He spent too much time with him. "Ichigo." Hichigo said sweetly, venom laced in his tone. "Meet me on the roof at break time?"

They went to the roof together. And while they were walking slow quiet tears started down Hichigo's face. Hichigo handed him his notebook, already opened to a page. If there was one thing Hichigo was protective of, it was his notebook. Ichigo looked at Hichigo to see if he was sure, but Hichigo wasn't looking at him. Hichigo was fidgeting with something in his pocket.

"_I hate you  
__love you  
__fuck you  
__damn you  
__why won't you kiss me?  
__I see you  
__breathe you  
__want you  
__curse you  
__why won't you love me?  
__I need you  
__feel you  
__kill you  
__call you  
__why won't you answer?  
__Why won't you listen?  
__Why won't you see?"_

Ichigo looked up at Hichigo, who was staring at him, a knife pressed to his wrist. Then was a thin trickle of blood, and Ichigo knew that he couldn't jump at him. "Hichigo, listen to me. Put down the knife."

"I don't have to listen to you. I don't want to. I want to die. If I do you won't miss me." Hichigo sobbed. His tantrums were scary things. Sometimes the simplest things set him off.

"That's not true, you know that. Now put the knife **down**!"

"NO! YOU DON'T LOVE ME, SO WHY SHOULD I?!" he pressed the knife harder, his face wet with fresh tears that he wouldn't wipe away. "You read that poem. You know my feelings. You don't love me. So I want to die."

"I'm not going to let you." Ichigo inched closer to Hichigo, trying to be subtle.

"Why not?"

"Because I do love you Hichigo. Now put the knife down for me?" Hichigo looked at him, yellow eyes wide and wet. He looked so desperate, like he truly wanted to believe. Ichigo tackled the knife from him, but he didn't put up a fight. He was still shocked.

"Y-you love me?" he asked, staring at Ichigo with childlike eyes. "Really really? You do?" he was clinging at Ichigo's shirt. He wanted the truth, he wanted to believe. He didn't want it to be a lie.

"Yes. Really really. I love you."

Maybe it was a mistake to say it that way.

OWARI

_moo moo moonay! I...still have no idea where this is going. But...ish likes...I think. I was fucking pissed at it though. It doesn't have as much impact as my other stories, and it will be changed and bettered...just not anytime soon... please review!_


	5. Where To Go

WHERE TO GO

_I'm unhappy. I think I'm stressing myself too hard too fast...I want to just leave it as it is...but I'm tried. I want to finish..._

_**To a sober person, adventurous conduct often seems insanity**_

— _**Aristotle**_

"How about..." Ichigo said trying to throw yet another idea at Hichigo go to cheer him up. "We try to find your mother?"

Hichigo looked at him like he was crazy. "My mommy is in america."

"So? If we contact the organization you were staying with, or your step parents, I bet we could find her." Ichigo smiled. yeah, he was pretty sure this idea would work. It wasn't like stuff like this hadn't been done before.

"If we find her...I'm going to kill her." Hichigo promised. His eyes glimmered with malice. "I'll make her say sorry for all the times I needed a mommy and she wasn't there. Fucking bitch."

It wasn't that he didn't understand Hichigo. No, he often made a scary amount of sense. He never babbled like an idiot. No, he said what he wanted to say wether people liked it or not. Hichigo made sense when everything else was confusing.

But Hichigo had problems. Sometimes, it felt easy to forget. Sometimes, it was hard to remember that his brain didn't rotate in the same order his did.

Or maybe it did, and he was secretly insane. Or not so secretly, he couldn't really tell anymore.

"Ichigo?" Hichigo stood behind him, pulled his head back so it was hanging upside down. "Do you love me?"

"Yes I love you." Ichigo was so used to this question. Hichigo wanted the same answer every time. He always knew what to expect of him.

"How much?"

"More than the universe." he answered, spreading his arms wide so Hichigo could see. He really was predictable, like a little child.

"If you really love me that much..." Hichigo whispered, the childlike innocence gone. "Then kiss me."

No, he really shouldn't have said it that way. "I don't love you that way Hichigo. I didn't mean it like that."

"Well I _did_! And I want you to kiss me!" Hichigo smashed his lips against Ichigo's, their teeth clashing. Hichigo manage to slip his tongue in, and for a moment, Ichigo's only thought was wondering how Hichigo had learned to kiss at all. "Do you love me now, Ichigo?"

Understand Hichigo was something simple yet complex. He knew what Hichigo wanted, he just didn't know how he wanted it. He knew what hichigo liked and hated he knew Hichigo's habits, the way he sucked Ichigo's finger and they way he lays in his lap.

What Hichigo wanted was him, and he was sure that he wouldn't give up until he had him.He wouldn't give up until he loved him.

Maybe he already did.

OWARI

_mom's being a bitch... sigh. Stopping at chappie 5 on day one..._


	6. Who To Be

WHO TO BE

_I just wanna finish this as fast as possible. please enjoy..._

_**There is a fine line between insanity and genius, I have erased that line.**_

— _**Oscar Levant**_

it was hard to please Hichigo, hard to keep him from his fits and rages, hard to keep his calm and pleasant Hichigo within sight.

Because he was the one making Hichigo like this.

Isn't love just an insanity of itself? There wasn't anything to love about him, so why did Hichigo want him so bad?

He didn't deny that he liked Hichigo. And that what was probably making him crazy as well. To him, Hichigo was cute and derailed and just so loveable. What was there not to like about him?

He let Hichigo kiss him. It felt good and Hichigo would scream and cry if he didn't. He let Hichigo have whatever he wanted now.

But his wants were so destructive. He was sure Hichigo would burn down the world if he could. And he probably wanted to. If not just so he could kill his mother.

He knew Hichigo had a mother complex or something. Because he wanted to see her, called for her when he thought no one was listening.

Hichigo's birthday was coming up, and Ichigo thought it would be perfect gift to find Hichigo's mother. Because no matter how much Hichigo said he hated her, Ichigo knew that he at least wanted to see her.

When Ichigo went home, he contacted as many people in the organization Hichigo had lived with as he could. He was trying hard because he wanted to, because he was just as curious as Hichigo was.

"Ichigo." Hichigo asked, pulling a comb through his hair. He always said he hated how messy it was. "Let me kiss you again?" not waiting for an answer, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Ichigo's and smiled when he pulled away. "I love doing that."

Ichigo always wondered why he let Hichigo do what he wanted, his original form of discipline went well. But he wanted Hichigo to be happy. He hated seeing him sad. He hated looking at those fresh cuts and those old scars.

He hated the cuts more than anything.

"Hey Hichigo..." Ichigo whispered thoughtfully. Hichigo hummed softly, returning to his combing. "I think I do love you. So stop being sad ok?"

Hichigo only smiled a mischievous smile. "But I knew that all along." he said, before kissing him again.

He was going to have to make Hichigo stop doing that in public.

On the day of Hichigo's birthday, Ichigo said, "close you're eyes" when Hichigo opened them, there was a paper in front of him. A blank peice of paper.

"What did I close my eyes for?" Hichigo asked. Ichigo flipped it over, and printed on it in neat navy blue were the words **I found your mother**. Hichigo looked at the piece of paper. Than at ichigo, and then the paper again. "Really?" Ichigo nodded, a proud smile on his face. "Where is she?"

"I'm taking you to see her. She was in Japan all this time." Hichigo leapt up and hugged him.

"Revenge shall be mine."

OWARI

_yup yup yup. The mother is driving my plot. Cry. Cry. I love her name though. I think you'll like it too. I'm thinking of changing my pen name... and does anybody know how to say 'granddaughter' in Russian? Reveiw please...especially if you know how to say it!_


	7. How To Live

HOW TO LIVE

_um? Maybe I should finish this off quicker than the others? It's going so slowly... I'm gonna be one chapter short... sigh sigh. I think...lemme go check... nope, never mind. Hope you enjoy!_

_**Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense**_

— _**unknown**_

They traveled by train to Osaka. Hichigo watched and waited, tense, excited, almost uncontrollable. They reached the city, getting off at the north stop where they walked until they reached their destination. It was a quiet place, the houses were lined up neatly, it looked like the kind of place that bred stuck up brats.

The house was one of them, neat, beautiful, well taken care of. Hichigo ran up the step and rang the doorbell urgently.

"Who is it?" a female voice said through the little black intercom.

"We're here to see Remiyu Shirosaki." Ichigo answered, Hichigo was too nervous, too stressed. A tired looking woman opened the door, smiling weakly. There was a baby on her arm. Hichigo glared at it.

"Remiyu? Oh, she was the owner of this house before my family moved in. She's not here any more." she bowed, about to close the gate. Hichigo was going to explode on her.

"Do you where we can find her or who might know where she is?" Ichigo asked, putting a calming hand on Hichigo's shoulder.

The woman paused to think and went back inside. They waited five minutes before she came back out again, holding a little card out to them. "She told me to contact this place if there was an mail for her" with that, the woman bowed again and left, closing the gate behind her.

Hichigo and Ichigo looked at the card and went back to the train station so they could travel to a city close beside Osaka. They came to a ratty looking apartment.

At the front desk, they asked of Remiyu's whereabouts. The cheerful woman shook her head, a little saddened.

"Remiyu-san was the sweetest girl, unfortunately she died last winter. She had no family, but everyone here loved her to pieces, so we paid for her funeral. Why are you boys looking? Family of hers?" the woman explained.

Ichigo shrugged. "You can say that."

"Well. We buried her at Hiraoka shrine, if you want to visit her." Ichigo bowed.

"Do you happen to have a picture of her?" Ichigo asked.

That was what Hichigo wanted most. To see his mother's face and know just how pretty she was.

Because he loved all things beautiful, even if he didn't want to. He loved everything, as long as it was beautiful. And Ichigo knew he secretly wanted to love his mother, even if it was such a flimsy reason as that.

The secretary smiled brightly. "Oh yes I do. Wouldn't want to forget such a pretty face as her's." she handed them a small photo from inside the drawer. She really was a good-looking woman. Hichigo breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can we visit her, Ichigo?" Hichigo asked. Ichigo nodded and smiled. That, at least, he owed him.

OWARI

_yea! Chapter...what chapter...? ah yes, seven! Clap clap clap. Now. It's two am, I could have been finished this, but I kept getting distracted. Anyway. Yea! Next chappie on hichichi's past._


	8. Why Cry

WHY CRY

_mhm, this would have been done last night...or this morning however you wanna look at it...if my mother hadn't came out and yelled at me for being on so late. Anyway! Enjoy!_

_**We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain**_

— _**Mark Twain**_

A small figure walked down the lonesome street. She was hunched over a bundle against the winter cold. Neither bundle nor figure seemed to mind the cold too much. The bundle was asleep and the figure was too busy trying to get to her destination.

The bundle stirred, blinked open yellow eyes and reached up a pale arm towards the figure's face. The figure looked down at the wide toothless grin and nearly choked.

She wanted to turn back.

She couldn't do this.

"Daa! Coo!" the little bundle called, reaching up higher, small chubby fingers brushed against her face. The bundle giggled, white hair slipping free of the covers before the figure rushed to cover his head once more.

"Shh, baby shh." the figure cooed, cradling the baby lovingly against her. She didn't want to do this. But she had to. It was for Hichigo's own good. This wasn't about her. This was about Hichigo.

Hichigo was what mattered.

She stood in front of a hospital. She looked up at the building that loomed over her. It sealed her fate. It would take her baby away.

She recalled the time she had tried to drown Hichigo. But the baby's crying was too sad. She couldn't do it. She was his mother after all. She didn't want her baby to starve or die. She wanted it to live. And be happy and healthy.

Even if it wasn't with her.

She reached into her bag, pulling out more blankets to wrap the little baby in. She had no idea when he'd be found after all. Maybe the next morning. But she didn't want him to catch cold. She placed a bottle of milk in the baby's hands and kissed him on the forehead, leaving a slimy lip gloss mark. She kissed him again and again as many times as she could.

Those bright yellow eyes looked up at her, sad, about to cry, as if Hichigo already knew what was happening. And she wouldn't put it past him. he was her clever little boy after all.

She placed the little card with his name on it. "Now don't throw it away." she warned. "It's important."

"Kii-ma?" Hichigo asked. "Ma! Kii! Kii!" he called as she turned her back on him. She sobbed.

This was what was best for him. She wouldn't have been able to support him anyway. She was too young to be a mother. And she didn't want him to die. But he had beautiful eyes, just like his father.

XxXxX

"When you were found," madam Rose started, Hichigo and other children were around her as she did her knitting. " you had lip gloss all over your face. And you were crying with the most powerful lungs I've ever seen. There was a neatly written card with you. It was in Japanese, so I couldn't read it. I gave it to one of the other nurses and they read it for me. 'Hichigo Shirosaki' it said. I decided that you were an orphan, and I took you back with me to America. And I taught you English. And here you are now with all your friends."

Hichigo was hanging over Madam Rose's lap. Little silver ribbons were in his white hair. They said ribbons had been found with him too. And that next to him had been a bag of all the things he needed.

"Your mother really loved you, you know." Madam Rose assured.

"Do you think she was pretty?" Hichigo asked, lifting himself off of the old woman's lap. Everyone else leaned in to hear the answer. Hichigo was undeniably beautiful, most of the girls his age thought, so his mother must have been pretty too.

"I'm sure she was, love" Madam rose said as she pat his head.

Hichigo was such a lover of pretty things.

XxXxX

"FUCK YOU! NOW GET THE HELL OFFA ME!" Hichigo screamed a colorful assortment of curse words in as many languages he knew as two nurses struggled to pull him off a boy who had made fun of him. "It's his fault for calling me gay!" more nurses worked a pair of handcuffs onto his wrists before dragging him away.

"Honey, why'd you do that? And swearing too. I thought we raised you better." Madam rose asked later. Hichigo was chained to his bed. They all knew for a long time that Hichigo was a little unstable mentally, but they hadn't thought it would escalate this far.

He tried to strangle the boy.

"Shut up, hag. I did it because I wanted to." Hichigo gave her a wide grin. But it wasn't much like his childhood smiles. He was different now. "I'm not girly. I'm pretty. I like being pretty. But he couldn't see it. I got angry."

"Yes, babe, you're pretty. But don't go around hurting people alright?" Madam Rose pat his leg. "We're moving you to a place where everyone can see that you're pretty, ok?"

Hichigo nodded.

XxXxX

"How did they trick you into here?" his new roommate Grimmjow asked.

Hichigo ignored the question. "Do I look pretty?" Grimmjow looked at him strangely for a moment and shrugged it off.

"Yea. You look real nice." he agreed. Hichigo nodded and smiled at him. He liked it here.

How was he to know that he would be so alone?

OWARI

_yup yup. I wanted a little bit of my lovely Grimmy in here. And if you're curious as to why he's in there, it on murder. Hee hee. Say love! And review!_


	9. Why Bother Dying

WHY BOTHER DYING

_chappie nine? Wow...how many days? Three right? I got a way better story after this... enjoy!_

_**Insanity; a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.**_

— _**R. D. Laing**_

there was incense lit there for her already. They could both tell that people came there for her often. Hichigo looked at the grave. Her name was engraved in pretty Kanji.

Remiyu Shirosaki.

He couldn't say much about how Hichigo was feeling. And he was scared that Hichigo would do something stupid. But he didn't regret bringing Hichigo here. He didn't regret it at all.

He knew he loved Hichigo now. It seemed weird to accept, a different concept. Yet it made absolute sense. It was what he had been feeling from the beginning.

It was absolutely insane.

"I'm going to pray for her." Hichigo announced. He knelt down and put his hands together, his eyes closed.

Ichigo didn't know what Hichigo was praying about. Maybe he was telling his mother how much he hated her for abandoning him. Maybe he was telling her that she was beautiful. Who knew? He was getting a little confusing nowadays. Maybe Hichigo was the sane one, and he was crazy.

It wouldn't have made a difference.

Hichigo got back up again, turning and kissing Ichigo with wild passion. "We can go now."

The train ride home was slow, endless. Hichigo was lost, and Ichigo was searching for him. Hichigo lay his head against Ichigo's shoulder. "We can come back and visit her again, if you want." Ichigo suggested.

"No. She had people who loved her. She didn't need me." Some people found that Hichigo's logic made a lot of sense. And it did, because they were both insane, Ichigo was sure. "But you need me, right Ichigo?"

Ichigo nodded. It was the truth. He knew it and accepted it and loved it and was confused by it. Hichigo right now was his everything. The empty and quiet train made his thoughts louder until they were ringing around his head.

"I know you love me, so I think I'm fine." Hichigo looked thoughtful, confused. "I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. And I don't want to have to hate." the words _my mother_ hung unspoken between them.

"Yea. I definitely love you. So you're not sad anymore, right?" Ichigo's arm found it's way around Hichigo's shoulder. They kissed again. They were really going to have to stop doing that in public.

Ask for a definition of insanity and what do you get? Someone who has less love than necessary, someone who needs more.

There's no such thing as insane. But they must have both been crazy.

A PERFECT END

_one chapter short but I really don't mind. I love clementines. They're delicious... review please!_


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